Balance and Wieners

The Oscar Mey­er Wiener­mo­bile: Will it blend? 

I was at the Tat­tered Cov­er in Den­ver today and bought a frappe at the cof­fee bar. The barista remarked that they had just acquired a spiffy new blender and I was about to be its first customer.

I glanced at the counter in back and there it was — a brand-new BlendTec Four­side. W00t!

I cracked, “You mean you haven’t even test­ed it with any mar­bles or light bulbs yet?”

Huh?” her face and mouth both said.

I said, “You know; on YouTube. Those “Will It Blend?” videos.”

Nev­er heard of them,” she said.

WHAT?!??

If you don’t know what I’m talk­ing about either, it’s like this: BlendTec makes incred­i­bly tough (and expen­sive) blenders. The company’s own­er, Tom Dick­son, start­ed a YouTube chan­nel sev­er­al years ago called “Will It Blend?”, in which he demon­strates just how tough they are by jam­ming unbe­liev­ably insane things into them: Mar­bles, mag­nets, light bulbs, glow­sticks, canned goods, even a cou­ple dozen Bic lighters. His blenders chew it all up like he’s mak­ing banana smoothies.

Check ‘em out here if you don’t believe me.

Not everyone’s an Inter­net geek like me. But how could some­one buy a $500 BlendTec blender with­out even being aware of the “Will it Blend?” videos? You’d think buy­ing one would con­trac­tu­al­ly oblig­ate you to watch them all first.

I felt the uni­verse lurch­ing out of bal­ance, so I grabbed my iPhone and said, “You must stop every­thing until you see this.” I searched YouTube for “Will it Blend?” and the first result was Dickson’s infa­mous iPad video, in which he breaks a brand-new iPad in half over the blender, then blends it until it’s noth­ing but a pile of dust.

By the time it was over, both baris­tas were dou­bled over, laugh­ing so hard they were drooling.

Aaaah! The uni­verse was back in balance.

On the way home I got stuck in walk­ing-speed, bumper-to-bumper traf­fic on I‑25.

But I was stuck behind the Oscar Mey­er Wiener­mo­bile, so I didn’t mind.

Bal­ance in all things, Glasshop­pah. Bal­ance in all things.