Laughing: The Most Fun You Can Have While Fucking

When we’re play­ing or hav­ing sex, Lily and I like to do some­thing that’s unusu­al, even in the fetish com­mu­ni­ty: We laugh. A lot.

When we’re play­ing or hav­ing sex, Lily and I like to do some­thing that’s unusu­al, even in the fetish community:

We laugh. A lot.

Woody Allen once said, Sex is the most fun you can have with­out laugh­ing.”

Wrong! I say laugh­ing is the most fun you can have while fucking.

Why So SERIOUS?

Maybe I’m weird for a guy, but I don’t much like watch­ing porn. You know why? No one looks like they’re hav­ing any fun, much less expe­ri­enc­ing any plea­sure. No; they grunt and groan and gasp and snarl and roll their eyes and bare their teeth, and it looks more like they’re pass­ing kid­ney stones.

Pictured: Tarzan's O-face.
Pic­tured: Tarzan’s O‑face.

Lily and I were mak­ing love the oth­er day. She was on top and at one point she leaned for­ward and start­ed kiss­ing me gen­tly on the fore­head over and over.

I start­ed gig­gling. “What are you laugh­ing at?” she smiled.

I don’t know!” I giggled.

Am I tick­ling you?” She gig­gled too and kept kiss­ing my forehead.

No! Well, a lit­tle!” I gig­gled even more.

She kept kiss­ing my fore­head, although she was laugh­ing out loud by this time. “So what’s so fun­ny?” she laughed.

I don’t know!” I cried, and lost it. She did too. We cracked up until we both were hoot­ing and gasp­ing, and then we both….

Well. Have you ever had an orgasm while laugh­ing uncon­trol­lably? I high­ly rec­om­mend it.

Lighten up, Francis

I was intro­duced into the fetish com­mu­ni­ty at the very capa­ble hands of MsSas­k­ia and MsVylette in a ses­sion at the RACK Room. MsSas­k­ia called me to con­firm a cou­ple of hours ahead of time; she told me to get well-hydrat­ed and drink lots and lots and lots and lots of water.

So I did. I pulled up in front of the RACK Room about 15 min­utes ear­ly. I planned to wait until the sched­uled time, but quick­ly real­ized some­thing important:

Hav­ing drank lots and lots and lots and lots of water, I real­ly, real­ly, real­ly, real­ly need­ed to pee.

MsSas­k­ia came to the door and put her hands on her hips in mock out­rage. “It’s not 11 yet!” she said, wag­ging her fin­ger at me.

Well,” I said, danc­ing around with my knees togeth­er, “you TOLD me to drink lots of water. Can I use your bathroom?”

She stared at me for a sec­ond, then burst out laugh­ing. I stared back and, ner­vous as I was, start­ed laugh­ing too. “Get in here, you dork!” she said.

It was the begin­ning of a beau­ti­ful relationship.

A while lat­er, they were fas­ten­ing me to their CBT chair with bondage tape. They got to the end of the roll and MsVylette set the emp­ty tube on top my head, say­ing, “Here, hold this.”

Of course, it fell off almost imme­di­ate­ly. MsSas­k­ia rolled her eyes and said, “You suck at this!“1

We all three laughed. And I thought Hey — this is actu­al­ly FUN!

Yer Bad Self: Get Over It

I sup­pose Lily and I are both as inse­cure about our bod­ies as any­one. But dog­gone it — sex isn’t just fun. It’s fun­ny.

You know why? For the same rea­son farts are fun­ny — along with burps, boogers, skid­marks and slip­ping on a banana peel. Peo­ple are fun­ny and our bod­ies are fun­ny. They look fun­ny and make fun­ny nois­es and emit fun­ny smells.

And when you make two of them naked and squish them togeth­er here and there in inter­est­ing ways, they do all those things twice as much.

We treat sex like a space shut­tle mis­sion, or an Olympic com­pe­ti­tion — the slight­est irreg­u­lar­i­ty is cause for huge alarm and pan­ic. And I think that spoils all the fun.

Weird, fun­ny and strange things are going to hap­pen dur­ing sex. And unless you’re pay­ing for sex, get­ting paid for sex or are act­ing in a porno — for Cthul­hu’s sake get over yourself.

Your Mission, Should You Choose to Accept It

Here’s a list of things that will hap­pen to you while you’re play­ing, or indulging in your favorite fetish or just plain fuck­ing (please let me know the ones I for­got, along with your cop­ing meth­ods). If you don’t learn to laugh about them your self-esteem will self-destruct in 10 seconds.

You/your partner can’t get/stay erect:

If you ever meet a guy who says this has nev­er hap­pened to him, he’s either lying or he’s a dil­do.2

If it hap­pens too often, see a doc­tor. Oth­er­wise, shake it and yell, “Speak to me!” or “Get back to work or you’re fired!”

If you can’t laugh about it, you’ll get your brain all wrapped around it and make it worse. If your part­ner can’t laugh about it, he or she needs to grow up.

You/your partner miss whatever orifice you’re aiming at:

Say, “It’s not impos­si­ble — I used to bulls-eye wom­prats in my T‑16!“3

Something pops out of the orifice it was just in:

…goes the weasel!”

Pussy farts:

Keep going and see if you can play “Jin­gle Bells.”

Traditional farts:

Look your part­ner right in the eye with­out crack­ing a smile and say, “How ’bout some more beans, Mr. Tag­gart?“4

Other classics:

  • Some­one belch­es or sneezes
  • The phone rings
  • One of you gets a snot that’s whistling
  • A cramp
  • A body part falls asleep
  • Ow! You’re on my hair!”
  • Falling off the bed
  • Falling off the couch
  • Falling off the table
  • Falling off the hood of the car
  • Falling off the stage
  • Falling off the bar
  • Falling off the altar
  • Falling off the farm ani­mal you borrowed
  • Falling off the cas­ket lid

No special reason:

See the fore­head-kiss­ing inci­dent above. We all get the gig­gles for no rea­son at inap­pro­pri­ate times. This isn’t one of them. Laugh!

If all else fails, try tickling:

Lily and I tick­le each oth­er all the time. Even when I’m not tied up. Tick­le­fights are fun; fuck­ing is fun. Fuck­ing tick­le­fights are actu­al­ly worth a trip to the emer­gency room.

Footnotes

  1. This real­ly happened.
  2. Or he’s pre­pu­bes­cent, in which case you should be in jail.
  3. In Star Wars, when the fight­er pilots are told they have to shoot a mis­sile down a tiny lit­tle hole, one pilot says, “That’s impos­si­ble.” Luke replies, “It’s not impos­si­ble — I used to bulls-eye wom­prats in my T‑16 back home!”
  4. Look, you real­ly need to get out more often.