Monos Are From Mars, Polys Are From Venus

Oh yeah? Well, scatophil­i­acs are from Uranus!

DIE, person who dares hold an opinion differing from mine!

Monogamists kick puppies.

Polyg­a­mists stomp kittens.

Monos trip old ladies in crosswalks.

Polys fart in elevators.

Hitler was monogamous.

Stal­in was poly.

Monos cheat at Uno.

Polys look at your Scrab­ble let­ters when you go to the bathroom.

Monos sit at home on Fri­days and watch Hon­ey Boo-Boo marathons.

Polys go out on Fri­days and sing very bad karaoke.

Monos have ass pimples.

Polys have gen­i­tal cysts.

Monog­a­mous peo­ple nev­er sort out their recyclables.

Polyg­a­mous peo­ple throw cig­a­rette butts out their car windows.

Monos drink milk that’s past its expi­ra­tion date.

Polys wear white after Labor Day.

Monos start new diets and exer­cise pro­grams WITHOUT con­sult­ing their physicians.

Polys taunt Hap­py Fun Ball.

Monos eat with the wrong fork.

Polys put their elbows on the table.

Monos chew with their mouths open.

Polys wear their under­wear more than one day.

Monos use there, their and they’re interchangeably.

Polys say “sup­posi­bly.”

Monos park side­ways across three park­ing spots.

Polys dri­ve Prius­es and drown every­one in the vicin­i­ty in smugness.

Monos vot­ed for Bachman.

Polys vot­ed for Nader.

Monos drink the blood of infants.

Polys kid­nap infants and sell them into slavery.

Monos don’t use deodorant.

Polys use Axe body spray, and way too much of it.

Monos are ser­i­al killers.

Polys are rapists.

Monos sneak into chil­dren’s rooms at night and steal their souls.

Polys sneak into chil­dren’s room in broad day­light and sniff their panties.

Monos are mouth-breathers.

Polys are inbred.

 

Well, I hope that final­ly set­tles the mono vs. poly debate.