Monogamists kick puppies.
Polygamists stomp kittens.
Monos trip old ladies in crosswalks.
Polys fart in elevators.
Hitler was monogamous.
Stalin was poly.
Monos cheat at Uno.
Polys look at your Scrabble letters when you go to the bathroom.
Monos sit at home on Fridays and watch Honey Boo-Boo marathons.
Polys go out on Fridays and sing very bad karaoke.
Monos have ass pimples.
Polys have genital cysts.
Monogamous people never sort out their recyclables.
Polygamous people throw cigarette butts out their car windows.
Monos drink milk that’s past its expiration date.
Polys wear white after Labor Day.
Monos start new diets and exercise programs WITHOUT consulting their physicians.
Polys taunt Happy Fun Ball.
Monos eat with the wrong fork.
Polys put their elbows on the table.
Monos chew with their mouths open.
Polys wear their underwear more than one day.
Monos use there, their and they’re interchangeably.
Polys say “supposibly.”
Monos park sideways across three parking spots.
Polys drive Priuses and drown everyone in the vicinity in smugness.
Monos voted for Bachman.
Polys voted for Nader.
Monos drink the blood of infants.
Polys kidnap infants and sell them into slavery.
Monos don’t use deodorant.
Polys use Axe body spray, and way too much of it.
Monos are serial killers.
Polys are rapists.
Monos sneak into children’s rooms at night and steal their souls.
Polys sneak into children’s room in broad daylight and sniff their panties.
Monos are mouth-breathers.
Polys are inbred.
Well, I hope that finally settles the mono vs. poly debate.