Solid Gold Cock Not Included

C’mon, guys–Drop trou and give the ladies what they’ve been wait­ing for: nee­dle-sharp fangs filled with dead­ly neurotoxin!

C'mon, guys--Drop trou and give the ladies what they've been waiting for: needle-sharp fangs filled with deadly neurotoxin!

From the fine folks at ahaNoir, pur­vey­ors of your favorite “extrav­a­gant sex products.”

What’s that? You’re won­der­ing what “extrav­a­gant sex prod­ucts” are?

Well, you know how you go to, say, Spencer’s Gifts and they have those $20 hand­cuffs with a strip of pink poly­ester fur par­tial­ly glued to them? And the hand­cuffs don’t lock, but it would­n’t mat­ter if they did because they break almost immediately?

You deserve some­thing bet­ter! And ahaNoir deliv­ers. Oh, they have non-lock­ing instant-break handcuff,s but these non-lock­ing instant-break hand­cuffs are sil­ver-plat­ed, stud­ded with Swarovs­ki crys­tals and have a strip of pink-dyed mink par­tial­ly glued to them.

Where was I? Oh, yes: Behold the King JCo­bra Sol­id Gold Cock Ring. A measly $15,000 and it’s yours.

Note: This does­n’t mean you need a sol­id gold cock; it means the cock ring is sol­id gold. Your cock can con­tin­ue to be 30% flesh and 70% Pho­to­shop, just like it is now.

Also avail­able in plat­inum or silver.

(The cock ring, that is.)