Top 10 Signs You May Be in Trouble When You’re Tied to the Bed and Waiting for the Fun to Start

Are you nor­vous, poozygot?

  1. She gets a ball gag and says, “Your safe­word does­n’t count if you can’t actu­al­ly say it, right?”
  2. She says, “Call me ‘Dex­ter’ — I want to try some role-playing.”
  3. She holds up a pair of scis­sors and in a high-pitched, singsong voice starts chant­i­ng, “It’s not real! It’s not real!”
  4. She pulls out a ure­thral sound, looks at it and remarks, “Have you ever noticed how much these look like fon­due skewers?”
  5. She holds up a piece of heavy knot­ted rope and says, “You know, I nev­er under­stood all these elab­o­rate tor­tures.”
  6. She asks you if you have a pref­er­ence between Hos­tel and Saw.
  7. She shuts all the win­dows and puts on some music. 
    1. Loud.
    2. It’s Nine Inch Nails.
  8. She picks up her phone and says, “Siri, remind me to call 911 in 45 minutes.”
  9. She says, “Oh, wait!” and goes out and starts rum­mag­ing in a kitchen drawer.
  10. You real­ize too late you’re lying on a plas­tic tarp.