When they start filling the water balloons with piss, it’s time to go home.
When I first discovered FetLife, I was electrified at the thought of a whole online community of people who wouldn’t be horrified at my kinks, but also shared them or at least understood them.
It didn’t take long to discover that people are people everywhere you go. I’m still thrilled to be a part of the FetLife community, which has all sorts of lovely, wonderful folks, but it also has the same assholes as any other group, along with the requisite blowhards, ITGs, white knights, know-it-alls, seagulls, snowflakes, (full in the blank)-shamers, sanctimonious pricks and ne’er-do-wells of every stripe.
Which in turn means that the most innocuous of remarks can spark a full retard holocaust (never go full retard).
Watch for these seven signs that a Fetlife discussion is about to explode and lay waste the countryside:
1. Copypasta Logical Fallacies — in Latin:
Typical ad ignorantiam. I expected as much from a serial post-hoc ergo propter hoc threadshitter. Enjoy your reductio ad absurdum, asshole.
2. No Matter What You’re Talking About, It’s All About Me:
You don’t know me at all, so how dare you say you think scat play is unsafe when it’s one of my favorite things?!
3. My Past Trauma Means I’m ALWAYS Right:
Oh, you think women are less likely to be sexually assaulted if they go out with friends rather than alone? Get back to me once YOU’VE been decapitated, rolled up in a gasoline-soaked carpet and set on fire!
4. The Seagulls Start Following You:
Person 1 (on his/her wall): Hey! Hope everyone’s having a great day!
Person 2: Is that what you were hoping for ME last Tuesday when you totally invalidated my feelings about “50 Shades of Grey”?
5. Profile Mining:
On August 12, 2012, you said you really liked “The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo,” which graphically depicts rape. What does THAT say about your alleged commitment to women’s rights, Lying McLiarson?
6. Sociology:
Person 1: I don’t think it’s sexist to hold doors for the ladies.
Person 2: The use of the term “ladies,” which stems from the Eurocentric ruling class, merely proves how ingrained our patriarchal inequality is in our social construct, you insensitive chauvinist pig.
7. Instantaneous Anonymous Long-Distance Psychoanalysis:
You mentioned Bruce Lee rather than Michelle Yeoh or Ziyi Zhang, which indicates a deep-seated, but unconscious, misogyny and sexism on your part. I feel sorry for any women who know you.